Reflection

Feb. 24th, 2013 09:23 pm
likeasouffle: (like a souffle)
[personal profile] likeasouffle

Rating: PG
Spoilers: 4x04
Word count: ~1000
Summary: Blaine keeps using their shared file server after the break up, and Kurt can see everything he downloads and uploads.
Warnings: Language, angst, mentions of sex/porn

Sharing a file server with Blaine is weird after the break up. Blaine doesn’t have a lot of hard drive space on his computer, so he keeps large files on Kurt’s server, in Kurt’s apartment, which is fine and very practical and not at all intrusive. But a few days after the argument, and the night of silence, after Blaine leaves and goes back to Ohio, Kurt is feeling vengeful. He jiggles the mouse to wake up the screen, fully intending to block Blaine’s access to movies and music and even some of his schoolwork. That’ll show him.

But when the screen comes on, he sees that there’s a terminal open and Blaine is in the middle of streaming a movie. Not just any movie. Mulan. And Kurt somehow can’t bring himself to cut him off in the middle of his go-to comfort film. He can just picture him snuggled up on his bed, wrapped in a blanket, laptop balanced on his knees, singing along to block out the bad thoughts. Maybe hugging Margeret Thatcher Dog too.

So Kurt tells himself he’ll revoke Blaine’s access in a few days, when it’s not so fresh. But Blaine streams Mulan three more times over the next week, and again the week after that. So it never happens. Honestly, Blaine should just download it and burn a DVD. But Kurt doesn’t tell him that because he’s not talking to him right now.

At the end of the month, a Paypal payment comes through for Blaine’s share of the bandwidth, just like always, and Kurt thinks: If Blaine can be a grown up about it, so can he. He leaves things as they are.

The weird thing is how often Kurt can tell what Blaine is doing by the text in the little terminal window. If Blaine needs a big file for a school project, like a Photoshop file, he downloads it, and a few hours later uploads the new version in its place. Sometimes Kurt finds himself working more productively on his own projects when he knows Blaine is working too. It’s almost like they’re working together, silently aware of each other from across the room.

After the first month, Blaine must be starting to feel a little better, because his movie choices go from the security and comfort of Disney musicals to old favorite action and adventure flicks. The Matrix, Die Hard, Philosopher’s Stone. He’s not up to new movies yet, stories he doesn’t know the endings to, but it’s progress. Kurt feels heartened by this information until he remembers how angry he’s supposed to be.

Kurt still checks Blaine’s Facebook sometimes. He had had to block him, because the statuses were always popping up and it was depressing, but he can’t stop himself from keeping tabs a little. Blaine has gone from vague sad song lyrics to accepting invitations from friends for lunch. Which is good because nobody likes a vaguebooker.

Blaine seems to backslide a little and spends a week watching Kurt’s old favorites. Twilight even. Blaine doesn’t even like Twilight. He’s apparently feeling masochistic because he starts a stream of The Notebook, but stops it halfway through. Maybe he randomly realized he had to go out and do something else. Somehow Kurt doesn’t think so.

Another month and Blaine is back to his old routine of science fiction and reality shows. Kurt watches the downloads and wonders who he’s watching with. Are they as snarky as Kurt? Do they make Blaine laugh?

One day Blaine uploads something to the server, a video he apparently downloaded and wants to keep. It has a weird filename: 5632.avi. A new directory is made, the file dumped into it, and the directory is renamed “porn”.

Well. Okay then.

Kurt can’t help himself. The moment Blaine logs off and exits the terminal, Kurt goes straight to the file and opens it.

It seems pretty standard. Two young good looking guys making out, stroking each other… They go through the motions of blowjob, rimming, fucking, facial. There isn’t even a plot or any cheesy dialog. Maybe that’s part of the appeal.

More porn shows up on the server over the next few weeks, and it gradually gets more varied. A hokey hotel room plot between a barely legal twink and a burly room service guy. A goth kid in eyeliner and stockings looking bored while being fucked from behind. A threesome between two guys and a girl. That one actually surprises Kurt a bit, but maybe Blaine just thought the guys were hot.

Kurt doesn’t know much about Blaine’s sexual life from before they were together, but he thinks maybe this is a normal part of it. He hopes it’s a good sign. Blaine’s activities are pretty varied in general. Movies, both new and old. Porn. Schoolwork. A distinct lack of tragic romances and Disney. All good signs.

One day he checks Blaine’s Facebook and realizes he isn’t feeling overwhelmed with either anger or sadness. He thinks maybe it’s time to unblock him. The latest thing on the timeline is a photo of Blaine smiling, close to the camera due to taking the picture himself, wearing a striped blue and green bowtie and a nice grey shirt. The caption says “I went with the stripes! Thoughts?”

Kurt presses “like”. The first thing of Blaine’s he’s “liked” since the break up.

That night, he looks at the server, and there’s a stream in progress. He knows what movie it is before he reads the title.

Mulan.

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