Summary: Sometimes Blaine still panics.
Word count: ~450
Sometimes Blaine still panics.
They’ve been together for years, and Kurt couldn’t be more loving and accepting of Blaine. When they go to bed together, or shower together, or Blaine buys new clothes and Kurt makes him model them all in the living room, there’s nothing about it that’s strange or unsure.
But sometimes, it all comes rushing back, like he’s sixteen again and his body is his greatest enemy. Like the time they tried watching porn together and all the giant cocks just made Blaine sad instead of hot. (Kurt was okay with turning it off because the acting was terrible anyway.) Or the time a classmate snootily asked him if his moodiness was because he was on his period. (It was because he’d been skipping meals in favour of homework, so Kurt took him out for dinner and cheesecake and made him promise to eat better.)
This time, it’s because a friend says her life drawing class needs male nude models, because all the volunteers this term are girls. Blaine stammers that he’s flattered she would ask, but he doesn’t think his body is right for it. She looks him up and down and says “Trust me, you have nothing to worry about.”
When Kurt gets home, he finds Blaine standing in front of the mirror in nothing but his soft packer and underwear, wet-eyed and sniffling. He leads Blaine to bed by the hand. Once they’re snuggled up under the covers, Blaine explains what happened, and Kurt assures him that he’s under no obligation to say yes, just because he was asked.
“It’s not that. It’s that, maybe if things were different, I might actually want to do it.”
Kurt can’t help grinning. “You want to take your clothes off so total strangers can stare at you naked for an hour? Hot.”
Blaine shoves him gently. “You know what I mean. The problem is that I feel limited by this. My body, or my relationship with my body, is cutting off some of my options. I mean maybe I wouldn’t want to do it anyway, but I can’t really know.”
“Would it make you feel better if I wanted you to model for me?”
“Oh, so you’re an artist now?”
Kurt rolls his eyes. “Blaine, please, you know I can do anything I set my mind to.”
Blaine smiles a small but genuine smile. “Of course. How silly of me.” They stay in bed for hours, talking and touching, until they’re starving and have no choice but to get up and start supper. By that time, Blaine has cried a bit, but he’s also sung some songs, whispered some sweet nothings, and laughed so hard his sides hurt.
So yes, sometimes Blaine still panics, but Kurt still makes him smile, every time.